The next Colonel Sanders will be a woman Gone are the days of anguish and despair The next Colonel Sanders will lead us forward into a bright new corp'rate age Reflect on the trail of misery behind us Redeemed are the faithful who never lost sight And pity the souls who've said it couldn't happen and those who have perished before She arrived For they'll never know the hard work is over Our sacrifice was hardly in vain It's plain by the face of our new Colonel Sanders Whose radiant smile forever shall reign

One time king One might think I'd feel his aura reaching through as if a shroud of Turin found its way to a bargain bin by fluke Well, I can smell the aftershave he spilled on it and these aren't my fingerprints I guess that's the best that we can do Walk in the club like what up in a dead man's coat It's too difficult not to gloat in my dead man's coat And when I pop the collar up around my neck I swear that I can hear the things he prob'ly said, like I wear my hat to the left so you can't tell I'm bereft I gotta turn my swag on so you'll forget I'm forgone What do you mean? I don't know what happened What do you mean? I was only gone a second What do you mean? I'm trying hard not to cry 'cause I'm a regular guy Walk in the club like what up in a dead man's coat It's too difficult not to gloat in my dead man's coat As I reflect on how the tables have turned His denouement and my afterword Can we say justice was served through this dead man's coat?

Little 12:00 beside my bed A steady pulsing blinking red Black out shades on the windowpane In this room I established a space where time does not exist I guess that's technically the universe But I don't want to know I don't want to know what time it is I don't want to know I don't want to know what time it is Little 12:00 on the microwave Some time when I was away I guess the power went out when I wasn't around When I was in Alaska I wouldn't have asked you 'cause I knew the answer wouldn't have mattered but now that I'm home I already know that I don't want to know I don't want to know what time it is I don't want to know I don't want to know what time it is When I close my eyes, slowly breathe, clear my mind, I'm trying to believe that if I can't see you you can't see me That's how it ought to be So I keep peeking out nervously, turning 'round, acting like I didn't see Well, it shouldn't matter much to me Some call it destiny Little 12:00 on the VCR It's best to keep you in the dark Nothing new, I can rely on you Inequipped for Y2K Still thinks it's 1998 I couldn't bear to break the news 'cause you don't want to know You don't want to know what time it is You don't want to know You don't want to know what time it is So I close my eyes, slowly breathe, clear my mind, trying to believe that it doesn't matter much to me

I bring my dog to the bar I prop him up on a stool I parry all of the jealous drunks who ask "is he with you?" We hang until the last call He drags me into a car I bring my dog to the bar I push my dog in a cart It keeps his paws off the tar You know it's double wide, he reclines in satin and velour I never go very fast He puts his feet on the dash I push my dog in a cart And the media I consume feeds the courage I exhude and it takes a lot of courage when you live the way I do No need to thank me, I'm aware of all the good work that I do I bring my dog to the pool How I could I deny the joy of diving in the blue? And when his head reappears I crack him open a beer I bring my dog to the pool I bring my dog to the Starbucks We need a minute to warm up and usually after the Walmart he could use a pick-me-up He's got the app on his phone I have a bite of his scone I bring my dog to the Starbucks And the content I create girds the viewpoint I maintain With the hope that once I capture it, it moves toward mundane No need to thank me, I'm aware of all the good work that I do and it's thanks enough to know my dog and me are so attuned What a perfect world this world would be if only folks like you would bring your dog to the bar

In the middle of the hook and the drummer stops 10,000 days till my album drops Doing 90 on the highway when the fuel runs out 10,000 days K, I'm in this ill cave living off mildew and lichen Captors fixed me up here with no one else inside Because they know it's not weird until you make it weird But when I'm writing on the page, the ink disappears Have you tried oblique strategizing? No Have you tried setting limitations? No Have you tried brute forcing the song out? No What have you tried? Mainly lying on the floor face down waiting for the million monkeys to finally come 'round You know, it's not so bad when you've got something to blame but I know I gotta sign my own name all the same Doing 90 on the highway when the fuel runs out 10,000 days I'm in the middle of the beat and I can't feel my feet Wear out my knees by age 33 I'm in the middle of the song and I can't feel my tongue Wear out my lungs by age 31 Introduce a bridge, up a minor third Or maybe down a second if that's too absurd A non-functional harmony will go and keep it lush Sprinkle sus13s and your fans will gush It's not bad but I don't like the singer. Yeah You gonna take another pass at those lyrics? Yeah Man, tell me, are you even trying? Yeah It's like I couldn't understand why you'd write such a thing Why'd you think this bridge was good enough to bring? Someone else take the aux 'cause I'm trying to drive No offense but I can't focus with this song on my mind In the middle of the hook and the drummer stops 10,000 days till my album drops

Here we sit in a darkened office Hanging light pendulates between us I think you too are cuffed to your chair I don't see either of us going anywhere Which of us will crack first, crack first, which of us will? Who's gonna get to the bottom of who? which of us will crack first, crack first, who's gonna spill? I feel it coming in a second or two I need a second or third to process how unlikely it is you confess But I think I saw it in the way that you blink and I think I heard it in the way that you think Which of us will crack first, crack first, which of us will? Who's gonna get to the bottom of who? which of us will crack first, crack first, who's gonna spill? I feel it coming in a second or two 'cause I'm twice or thrice as lucid in this moment with you and I no longer control the things my brain's gonna do and I'm holding out on hoping that the same is gonna happen to you I tore my case notes in twain and thrain and I watched you take yours and do the same Do you dare me to go on the record? Do you dare me? Which of us will crack first, crack first, which of us will? Who's gonna get to the bottom of who? which of us will crack first, crack first, who's gonna spill? I feel it coming in a second or two 'cause I'm twice or thrice as lucid in this moment with you and I no longer control the things my brain's gonna do and I'm holding out on hoping that the same is gonna happen to you

Good times in the airport lobby Chaos subdued everywhere Counting all the people in my hair Everybody treats it as a dare After all the bad decisions Someone tells me what to do Why don't I lay down and cease to move? I waste so much irony on you A sea of hands out there to hold There couldn't be a better world Could my own hand be more cold? Impossible Sometimes it's awful hard to take The way you speak on Saturdays When in the middle of the week I see what kind of friend you make Looking back on my collection Rings I've fished out of the well Each one has another lie to tell So many hands out there to bite You shouldn't spend any more time Could you keep up if you tried? You shouldn't try Sometimes it's awful hard to take The way you speak on Saturdays When in the middle of the week I see what kind of friend you make

It all returns to me Suburban bathers are on the sea The trumpet players are on fourth street Masonic bodies are all around Masonic ears are to the ground Exhuming caskets from the graveyard Planting headstones in the golf course Masonic bodies are all around Masonic boots are on the ground Think of tomorrow as the present Think of today in the past tense The plumbob begins to stabilize The metronomes begin to synchronize Change your name with a dash or a diacritic Change your mind with thought processes analytic Masonic math determines what you're worth A Masonic hand pops out of the earth Saving up my breath so you've something to breathe Saving for my death so I've something to bequeath Saving myself so there's something to entomb Saving for my death so you've something to exhume Found a new spectrum to exist upon Found a new circle to run in Found a new hill to die upon Found another to be buried in We had a plan till you skirted it We had a pact till you found reason to quit I was so blind to the state of things Masonic doctrines tell it like it is Injunction filed against the AARP They sold my info to the cemetery What if I fall and I can't get up? Masonic dollars buy my email back I like it most when the shutter deploys I like your eyelids more than your eyes The slow returning of the pendulum Legs of the children on the swing set Never paid so much for an empty book But now every digit is vestigial Masonic minds broadcast psychic waves Masonic eyes read ahead a page Saving up my breath so you've something to breathe Saving for my death so I've something to bequeath Saving myself so there's something to entomb Saving for my death so you've something to exhume Found a new spectrum to exist upon Found a new circle to run in Found a new hill to die upon Found another to be buried in You're gonna get it, you're gonna get it You're gonna get it, you're really gonna get it Gonna regret it, you're gonna get it Gonna regret it, you're really gonna get it Maybe the rapture will come tomorrow Maybe the revolution will come tomorrow Now you see I'm free This is really me It's my platonic ideal This is where I belong Build to nothing Billed to no one Infinitesimally small Unfathomably large Impossible to construe Every word is true

Destination Hatteras and in case that we forget I think we should carve our itinerary on this dead tree Tied some logs together But now there's stormy waters Too late for the rest of us to turn back, save yourself And in 20 years, they'll find you there Sitting at the bottom of the hill Nothing will tell and they'll wonder for years what had happened when their backs were turned Mr. Raleigh, it's all gone And this was the second one Maybe we should focus more on the land that surrounds Scoured your lost colony Found some guns and jewelry Think it's time to auction them off to their family members back home And in 20 years, you'll still be there Sitting at the top of the bloody bloody tower Nothing will tell and they'll wander for years while you're right there as their backs were turned And in 20 years, they'll find me here Suffocated under a hardwood table Nothing will tell except hundreds of books Marble lions standing strong and stern and the doorknob in the back won't turn

Get a load of this character I do I hike my pants real high and put a rock in my shoe and I think about the way I felt when I was with you when I'm doing this character I do And I look straight into the camera You wouldn't even know it was me if you didn't know that it was me If you could see my transformation, you'd know what I envision If you're not in my head, you don't know what I'm thinking Try to explain, pick a part of your brain Leave it in the spotlight for everyone to see And I don't care to know or to hypothesize what they say about me when they talk about me Break you off a piece of this character I do I put my voice real high and sashay like a buffoon and I say the kind of things I would never say to you when I'm doing this character I do and I could talk for hours and hours You wouldn't even know it was me if you didn't know that it was me It takes total isolation to prepare for the stint If you're not in my head, you don't know what I'm thinking Try to explain, pick a part of your brain Leave it in the spotlight for everyone to see And I don't care to know or to hypothesize what they say about me when they talk about me What do I do with this face? It was a gag but now it's frozen in place It shouldn't take this long to go back to my old ways Groping around for the switch but I can't turn it off anymore He's on a whole different schedule You wouldn't know that he once was me if you didn't know that it was me He hears a disparate drum in a separate boat If you're not in his head, well, neither is he Try to explain, pick a part of your brain Leave it in the spotlight for everyone to see And I don't even care what you say about me when you talk about this character I pathologically do

I can't control these arms of mine I can't control these arms of mine When I turn around they swivel all over the place When I turn around, slapped the prime minister in the face I can't control these arms of mine I can't control these arms of mine I I don't know I can't tell you I don't want to tell you I can't control these arms of mine I can't control these arms of mine The few crumpled bills that I have in my pants I'm an American and I carry American cash I can't control these arms of mine I can't control these arms of mine I I don't know I can't help you I don't want to help you

When I disconnect with you The kitten in the window starts to mew But if I were in control I'd take her with me everywhere I go This pacemaker keeps me alive With haptic feedback all over Gazing into your pinhole eye But I don't know if I saw it glow Young and in love, now I'm addicted to phone Young and in love I don't want you to worry But I don't know where you go when you leave If I focus I can stop it But I'd rather not have to remit Phone give me a reason to go out more You won't believe how much I can eat Phone give me something to dress up for I can't believe you breathe just like me Young and in love, now I'm addicted to phone Young and in love Your new friend doesn't talk much Don't take it personally But in my hands they never shut up When they're comfortable, we're inseperable Young and in love, now I'm addicted to phone Young and in love, now I'm addicted to phone Phone give me a reason to go out more You won't believe how much I can eat Phone give me something to dress up for I can't believe you breathe just like me This mockingbird really listens This constant companion There's so much more to tell you We've already fallen

Every brand's got an angle You just have to find it at every company At the Food Lion They named their store Lion and it made them money We've got to go to work I got the master plan We're gonna change it up I'm making cash change hands I got an angel investor up my sleeve An up-and-coming local MVP You've got to hear me out He'll take it to the paint This is a master stroke He's gonna make it rain Think George Foreman Think Tim Horton Think Michael Jordan Nissan Conveniently off of 501 Service and sales second to none Think of Michael Jordan Nissan Serving Durham-Chapel Hill New and pre-owned automobiles Break out the dictionary Look up the meaning of libel And also of slander I haven't worked 27 years To be so insulted By some Yankee rando I'm on my Bluetooth now I'll get his heartrate up We're gonna clean him out I'd like to clean his clock This is a matter of life and death 'cause I'm a complicated person and I'm worthy of respect Who'd ever teach their kids To disrespect and lie What kind of world is this No world I recognize It's the zeitgeist It's the antichrist It's the Michael Jordan Nissan Conveniently off of 501 Service and sales second to none Think of Michael Jordan Nissan Serving Durham-Chapel Hill New and pre-owned automobiles Due to my strong personal convictions I wish to stress that any resemblence to actual persons living or dead or to actual events is purely coincidental At my counsel's behest I have no choice but to act Some little boys have to learn you can't defame and distract This is the reason we have legal protections and satire requires a clarity of intention We're going hard in the key We'll leave it all on the court We're taking it to OT We'll clean his blood off the floor This is toxic shock This is ragnarok This is Michael Jordan Nissan Conveniently off of 501 Service and sales second to none Think of Michael Jordan Nissan Serving Durham-Chapel Hill New and pre-owned automobiles